Revenge
by jennylyne
Summary: Will Elliot be able to save his partner when somebody she put away escapes looking for revenge.
1. Chapter 1

When Instinct Is Correct

When Olivia arrived at work she quickly started going through the files of their latest case. Elliot leaned back in his chair wondering why he beat her to work this morning and what was on her mind.

"Morning." he greeted her and she barely looked up to meet his eyes.

"Morning to you too." she answered getting up to get the first of many cups of coffee.

Elliot could tell she wasn't herself and argued with himself as to whether or not he should pry. He chose not to and continued his work. He worried about her lately, but knew she wouldn't accept him voicing that concern.

Olivia had started seeing somebody, that much Elliot knew. He didn't much care for her new beau, but then he never cared much for anyone she dated. He didn't have a right to police her choices, but she was his partner and he did care for her; maybe too much.

"Rough night?" Elliot started against his better judgment. Olivia didn't meet his stare as she sat back down at her desk.

"None of your business." she answered him this time looking him directly in the eye. She gave him that half smile that told him he wasn't going to get any more information from her on this subject.

Olivia was dating a man she met in the hospital while working on a case. She was interviewing a rape victim when she met Dan who was visiting a relative. They had been seeing each other for three weeks and Olivia was beginning to develop feelings for him. She had begun to let him get close, and was wondering if that wasn't a mistake. She had asked him to leave her apartment after he became a bit aggressive with her the night before. He apologized and left as soon as she had asked him to. Olivia was frustrated; she really liked him. Was it her?

Elliot didn't like Dan. He wasn't exactly sure what it was that rubbed him the wrong way about Olivia's new boyfriend, but something wasn't right. Olivia was a grown woman and a damn good cop, she could take care of herself. It wasn't Elliot's place to even get involved, but she was his partner and his friend.

The detectives headed out to follow up on some leads for their current case. Elliot couldn't stand the silence in the car and took a chance.

"What's going on , Liv? Is everything ok?"

"What makes you think there's something wrong?" Olivia asked wondering if she should share her concerns with Elliot . He would probably tell her what she already accepted; it was her and her fear of letting someone get too close.

"If you say nothing, then it's nothing. You seem a million miles away." Elliot tiptoed with his answer.

"I'm fine El." Olivia decided against confiding in her best friend. She would apologize to Dan tonight. Hopefully it wasn't too late.

The day was a productive one and once back at the station, Olivia was preparing to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said to her partner who had decided to stay and finish up on some paperwork.

"Yeah okay." El mumbled without looking up. Olivia headed out when the tone in Elliot's voice stopped her.

"El, you're not staying all night all you?" she knew he hated to go home anymore. He and Kathy weren't getting along again and she figured he volunteered to do the paperwork to have a reason to work late.

"Be careful tonight." Elliot ignored her question. He was going to do some digging on Mr. Dan Wheeler. He couldn't lose that nagging feeling that he wasn't who he claimed to be. Maybe he was just being paranoid, but his partner deserved somebody in her life. Somebody that deserved her.

Olivia got dressed and waited for Dan to pick her up. She accepted a night out with him when he accepted her apology. Olivia relaxed and found she truly enjoyed his company. They had dinner and saw a show before returning to her place. She invited him up and wondered what the rest of the night would bring. He kissed her passionately once inside and she couldn't help but lose herself in his embrace. She could really fall for this guy if only she could lose that nagging feeling that she couldn't put her finger on. They moved to the couch and continued kissing. Dan was a big man, but that wasn't what made Olivia nervous. She didn't know what it was, but was quickly forgetting that fact as he took her face in his hands. She looked into his blue eyes and decided to let him advance tonight. He continued to kiss her as his hands began to wander. He ran his hands up her shirt and felt her warm skin. She was beautiful and he couldn't believe he was in the position he was in. He was sorry he agreed to help his friend, but he owed him. Dan wanted her but he knew that wasn't the plan. Dan's passionate kisses quickly turned aggressive and his hands were no longer gentle as he handled Olivia. She immediately sensed the change and forced him off her and stood up.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this." Olivia wondered if she would ever get those visions of her time at Sealview out of her mind.

"What's wrong now?" Dan was becoming very impatient.

Olivia couldn't believe this was happening. "What is going on? One minute things are going nicely and the next you seem upset."

"Olivia, I can't do this either." Dan headed for the door. Olivia walked up behind him and asked him to stay.

"Trust me, you don't want me to stay. If I stay I will want you and you're not mine."

Olivia didn't understand what he meant by that and didn't have much time to think it over. Dan approached her and with one quick move hit Olivia. She immediately fell to the floor holding her face. Dan grabbed her and backed her up against the wall. He pushed his body into hers and put his mouth angrily on hers. He moved his head back to look into her eyes. Fear was all he saw and he was really hating this, but he had no choice.

Olivia was wondering how she would get to her room to get her gun. Her eye was swelling fast and she now knew her feelings of uneasiness were correct. How could she let this happen to her. What changed? Why did he suddenly get angry with her.

"Dan, I'm sorry. I don't understand. Please let me go."

"I can't do that. I want you bad Olivia, but I have a job to do. You will find out soon enough what is going on." And with one quick motion, he hit Olivia again and she fell unconscious to the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

This is my first fanfic writing. I do not own these charatcters, but I love them just the same. Tell me how I'm doing please and if my story is as intriguing as their relationship is on svu.

Olivia was right, Elliot had no intentions on going home; at least not until he found out why he was so uneasy tonight. He ran Olivia's boyfriend's name in every data base possible. He grew increasingly frustrated as each try gave no results. Maybe he wasn't finding anything because there wasn't anything to find. So Olivia had a boyfriend, good for her. She deserved to be happy, to share her time with somebody other than police officers. Not that Elliot or her had much free time as they spent so much time working.

Elliot got up and went up to the roof. Maybe he should be spending his time figuring out his own personal life instead of worrying so much about his partners. His marriage was over and he knew it. Kathy was tired of his endless excuses as to why he had to work late again tonight. Kathy blamed Olivia, and Elliot found himself defending his partner more and more. If only Kathy knew that Olivia had a life of her own and wasn't even with him tonight as he worked late again.

Elliot returned to his desk and started on the paperwork he had to finish, therefore making his excuse to stay late tonight legit. Captain Cragen walked through the precinct doors and stood by Elliot's desk.

"Cap, what are you doing here?" Elliot looked at his watch only to realize it was already after midnight.

"What are you still doing here? And don't give me no bullshit line about paperwork." Cragen walked into his office and threw his keys down on the desk. Elliot followed growing more and more curious as to the captain's reason for showing up so late, or early for the next day.

" Where is your partner?" Cragen realized what he said and figured Elliot wouldn't know, at least not for sure. "I mean do you have any idea where Benson is tonight?"

"It's after midnight, my guess is in bed." Elliot felt his stomach start to tighten as he didn't like the captain's tone.

"Call her, get her in here now. We have a problem and I need to know where she is and that's she's safe."

"What is going on." Elliot pulled out his phone and dialed Liv's number praying to hear her cuss him out for waking her. "There's no answer."

Cragen sat down and motioned for Elliot to do the same. "Lowell Harris escaped from prison. I think he may have revenge on his mind."

"When did he escape?" Elliot was going to go to Olivia's apartment. He knew she would need to know immediately and he wanted to be there to support her.

"Sit." Cragen ordered. "The escape is being investigated and they will find him. We need to find Olivia and warn her to be extra careful if nothing else. She didn't answer her phone, that's not like her. Anything going on in her personal life that would prevent her from answering?"

That nagging feeling returned and Elliot knew now that there was a reason to be concerned. "She is dating someone that I don't like."

"Okay, like that's anything new. What's up with him?

Elliot dialed Liv's number again. "I can't find anything on him, but there's something not right about him."

"You've already checked up on him?" Cragen seemed surprised and irritated at the same time. "El, she is a grown woman and one of my best detectives. Does she really need you interfering in her personal life?"

"Yes. She's my partner, Captain."

Cragen realized how close these two really were. "Get over to her place now, and just let her know what's going on."

Olivia started to come to only to realize how hard she had been hit. She opened her eyes to see Dan going through her purse. He pulled her shield and gun out and tossed the purse aside. "Detective Benson." Dan ran his fingers over her shield as he read her name aloud. He pointed her gun at her and watched her turn her head to avoid the end of her gun touching her face.

"Olivia, we need to go. I can't very well drag you out of here, but I can make you leave with me." He pulled her to her feet and waited for her to get her balance. "You will walk out of here with me as if everything is okay, do you understand me."

"Dan, why are you doing this. What's going on?" Olivia held face where he had hit her. She knew she was in trouble, but had to know what was going on in order to figure out a way to survive.

Dan led her to the door and made her look him in the eye before he opened it. "No scene or your precious partner will pay." Together they walked out and around to the back of her apartment building. Dan blindfolded her before he guided her to his car and put her in the front seat. He got in and shut the door. "I'm sorry. I forgot your coat. If you want, I'll keep you warm when we get to where we're going." Dan ran his fingers over Olivia's face. She flinched at his touch.

"Please, Dan. Where are we going." Olivia was scared and unarmed. He could kill her and there would be nothing she could do about it. And the worst part is she didn't even know why.

"Olivia, I'm sorry about this. I really like you, and believe me when I say I wish I could prove to you how much. But I am a business man and I have to take care of business. Now please don't make this any harder than it has to be." Dan started the car up and Olivia shivered as she waited to find out her destiny.

Elliot continued to call Liv hoping she got a little drunk tonight and was sleeping so good that she just didn't hear the phone. He couldn't wait to get to her place and listen to her go off about how he was worried about nothing and how she could take care of herself . Or maybe he would be interrupting something else and she would be pissed about the big brother act. That would be okay too just answer the damn phone!

He got to her door and knocked loudly. He fingered the spare key she gave him a few years back and wondered just how mad she'd be at him if she was in there with Dan and their relationship was in full swing. He waited to hear her coming to the door and finally decided to take his chances. He called her name as he slowly opened the door. The living room light was on and he saw her purse on the floor. Everything else seemed to be in place. He called for her again as he walked into her home picking up her purse noticing it was open. He placed it on the table and knocked on her bedroom door. No answer. His partner doesn't sleep this sound, she's a cop for God's sake. Elliot called her name as he slowly opened the door. His stomach turned when he didn't see her.

Okay, it was only after one. She could still be out on a date. But without her purse. He called her number again. Answer the damn phone, come on. Elliot knew in his heart that something was wrong. Why won't she answer him.

"Hello detective." Dan answered Liv's phone. Elliot recognized his voice even after only talking with him a handful of times.

"Dan, where's Olivia. I need to speak with her, it's important."

"She's preoccupied right now." Dan laughed into the phone as he ran his finger over Olivia's lips.

"Is it really that important, El? You're being a pest. I'm just getting ready to do your partner." Dan laughed again as he knew he was tormenting Elliot and scaring Liv. Two birds with one stone. What the business man.

"Dan let me talk to her. This is important." Elliot could feel his blood pressure rising. Olivia would never let him answer her phone , she always kept it on her. He thought back to the open purse laying on the floor.

"Elliot, how do you work side by side with Olivia every day and not be too distracted to pay attention to your job. She's definitely got what it takes to distract a guy, if you know what I mean." Dan ran his hand up and down Olivia's arm and then down to her knee.

"Elliot!" Olivia screamed knowing he would hear her through the phone. Dan hit her again and once again she fell unconscious.

"You hurt her and I'll kill you." Elliot fumed into the phone.

"Too late." Dan laughed again. "It's nothing personal El. I want your partner, but maybe later, if she survives. She'll be busy for awhile, so please stop interrupting. Bye bye Elliot."

Elliot listened to the phone go dead and he slowly sat down on Liv's couch. He felt as though he would be sick. Liv screamed for him and then was quiet. He knew Dan hit her. He would find him and he would make him pay. Elliot was worried about Harris getting revenge on her and here she was already in trouble…how could he not see this immediately. Harris was getting his revenge. Dan was taking her to him.

"Captain, he's got her."


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia slowly opened her eyes. Everything was blurry and dark. She raised her hands to her face to try to clear her sight only to realize her cuffs on her wrists. Her face throbbed from where Dan had hit her, but she still tried to identify her surroundings. It was cold and she shivered remembering Dan saying he forgot her coat. Olivia began to get to her feet but was immediately floored by the dizziness in her head. She thought about calling for Dan, as far as she could tell she was in a dark, cold room alone. If she called for him, maybe he'd come and then what. She couldn't believe he turned on her like this. She wanted to trust him, but for some reason couldn't. And still, she didn't know the reason. She thought about her partner; he didn't like Dan from the beginning. Elliot must be going out of his head right about now, she knew she would be.

Olivia was strong and independent. She worked so hard at proving to her colleagues and her friends and herself that she could handle the job and take care of herself. Her work was so important to her that she seldom made time for anything or anyone else. Numerous failed romances due to her work and lack of trust in men. She saw too much of what that trust could lead to. She would never forgive herself for allowing herself into this position. Olivia thought back to the conversation Dan had with Elliot. He enjoyed it; the taunting him. She could hear Elliot's voice through the phone and prayed he would find them. They tracked cell phones all the time, she was sure it would only be a matter of time and her team would be here to get her. Olivia gave in to the dizziness and dropped her head in her hands. What is your business Dan Wheeler and who are you working for. Olivia leaned up against the wall and winced as her tears stung her face as they fell.

Elliot burst through the doors at the precinct and went immediately to Olivia's desk. He started going through each drawer looking for something, anything that would tell her who this Dan Wheeler really was. He knew he wouldn't find anything, she didn't know who he was obviously.

"Elliot!" Cragen got his attention and motioned for him to enter his office. He had Munch and Fin en route to Olivia's apartment to help look for anything of use.

"Capn, I heard her scream before he hit her. I don't know who he is, but he is not Dan Wheeler. He is working for somebody , he's a .. a… a business man as he called himself." It's got to be Harris.

"Elliot, calm down. I need your head in this." Cragen gave Elliot that look that slowed him down and made him realize how much Olivia was counting on him. "Liv is smart and a good cop. She will help stall as long as she can, so we have to figure this out sooner than later."

"What about Harris. How the hell did he escape anyway?" Elliot leaned up against the wall and rubbed his head. Olivia never told him exactly what happened in the basement at Sealview, but he knew it still bothered her at least somewhat now.

"It was definitely an inside job. Somebody form the outside was helping him, somebody who knows the prison, the system, and what have you. Maybe our Dan Wheeler." Don Cragen had worked with Olivia for over ten years now. He had come to love her like his own daughter and it took every once of strength to not to fall apart. "I never should have let her go into that prison undercover like that. I knew how tough that case would be."

" You know Olivia, Cap, she was going to do whatever it took to help Ashley and her mother. And she did. Did Fin ever disclose what happened between her and Harris at the end? Liv says he didn't rape her."

"He didn't El, but he assaulted her badly and came close enough. Fin got there just in time, but the scars will be there for quite some time. We have to find out if this is indeed Harris and if he's got revenge on his mind."

"He does and I can't find her. She screamed for me and I can't find her!" Elliot was beginning to lose it. He slammed his fists down on his boss' desk and began to shake with fury. Cragen let him vent it out and then sent him to Olivia's apartment.

Elliot headed to his car and found his mind racing. He thought of his partner , of Dan, of Harris. He thought of Kathy at home and how she would probably blame Olivia for this. He wondered if he should call her and let her know what's going on. He never did make it home that night and here it was early morning. She'd be up by now, if she ever even went to sleep.

"Hi Elliot" a gun was touching his face and he heard Dan's voice. Dan reached into Elliot coat and carefully slid his gun out of his holster. "Any others?"

"Where is Olivia?" Elliot glanced around the nearly empty parking lot of the precinct.

"Any other guns and don't lie to me, I know you all carry backups." Elliot lifted his pant leg and showed Dan his backup. "Slowly put it on the hood of the car. Don't try anything or I'll have to do what I already told Olivia I did."

"And what would that be?" Elliot wasn't nearly as good at stalling as Liv was, but he had to find a way to get to her.

"Uh, kill you. I wonder if she'd team up with another male cop or a female. Just things that I like to think about." Dan pocketed his gun and forced Elliot into the car. He got in behind him and told him to drive until he said to stop.

"Are we going to Olivia?" Elliot asked looking in the mirror. Dan pushed the gun into the back of Elliot head.

"Maybe. I guess that's depends on your behavior Elliot.

"I know you're helping Harris. There's still a chance I can get you out of all this, if you let me." Elliot watched his expression. He was nervous and it showed.

"Your bitch partner locked him up. He contacted me from the day he started his sentence. We've been working on this for awhile now. She'll pay." Dan's expression changed when he made the last statement.

"Come on Dan. I know you have feelings for Olivia. Don't let him do this."

"Olivia will never look at me the same again. I hurt her. She's beautiful and I hurt her. I agreed to help a friend and he definitely is making it worth my while. Now pull over."

Dan drug Elliot out of his car and forced him to walk off. As they turned the corner around a building and into an alley, Elliot's world went black. Dan blindfolded him, cuffed him and made a call.

Olivia heard a door open and could see the form of a man enter. "Dan?" she mumbled as she once again tried to clear her vision.

"Well hi there fishy." Harris' tone was low and smooth. He stood in the doorway looking at Olivia and remembering how difficult she had been down in the basement.

Olivia's heart started racing and she tried to concentrate on slowing it down for fear of passing out. She couldn't believe Lowell Harris was standing in front of her. " Where's Dan?" Olivia's voice was barely a whisper. She didn't want Dan near her, but she knew she was not going to survive this. She frustrated, humiliated, and finally locked Lowell Harris up for what she thought was at least twenty years.

"You and I have some unfinished business to attend to, detective." Harris moved closer to Olivia and helped her to her feet. "And we will finish this time, but there's a few things I need to do first. Relax." Harris chuckled as he ran his fingers down Olivia's face to her neck. He pushed her into the wall and then down to the ground. Olivia's breath caught as she was in the same position in the basement.

Harris' phone rang. "Well there's Dan now. I'll be back, but don't worry too much, he's bringing your partner with him so you won't be so lonely." Harris left and Olivia could still smell his presence.

She tried to slow her breathing down and get control of herself. Elliot was coming but she knew this wasn't a good thing. He was too good a cop to fall for any games. They must of hurt him. And she was right. They shoved him into the room and he fell at Olivia's feet. "Elliot!" she immediately bent down to him. Her hands were still cuffed but in front of her. She felt for a pulse and he had one. Relief and fear mixed in the pit of her stomach. "Why is he here. He didn't have anything to do with this." Olivia tried to control her voice in case Elliot could hear her.

"He is your partner. He helped you and wants to help you now. Maybe he can, probably he can't." Harris laughed. The lights came on and Olivia shielded her eyes to the sudden brightness. She looked up at Harris and noticed the scar on his cheek that she caused.

Dan entered the room and immediately went over to Olivia. "I am sorry. Just do as your told and maybe he lets you live. If he does, I will take care of you after. I love you Olivia, and this doesn't change that." He picked Olivia up to her feet.

"Are you kidding me?" Olivia found strength in her anger. "You have kidnapped two NYPD detectives and you think you and I will just start over?" she questioned him and when she saw the anger in his eyes, she decided to rethink her route. "Please Dan, help me. You know he will kill me and then you go down for life as well. Don't let him do this to you too."

Dan looked into Olivia's eyes and could feel so much desire for her. He really didn't want to hurt her. But he knew he would go away for a long time just for the kidnapping. He didn't trust her to help him out of this. He grabbed her face and kissed her hard. "Just do as you're told Olivia. you're going to die, but maybe you can save your partner." He pushed her down to the ground and walked over to where Elliot was laying on the floor. He kicked him in the face to make sure he wouldn't regain consciousness for awhile.

They both left the room leaving Elliot and Olivia in the dark. Olivia scrambled over to Elliot and lifted his head into her lap. She felt the blood on his face and began to cry. She loved him, he was all she had. She would give her life for her partner and was beginning to realize that may be the case here. She held him for what seemed like hours until the door slammed open once again.

"Okay fishy. It's show time!"

I don't own these characters but love them just the same. Chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4. These characters are not mine, but I love them just the same. Review and let me know what you think.

Cragen was on the scene of Elliot's abandoned car. Little did he know his two best detectives were close by. He made a call to the FBI alerting them to the situation. They were working Harris' escape and this was a major detail. Cops were all over the area looking for clues, fingerprints, anything that would lead them to the missing detectives. Cragen called Fin over and tried to control his emotions.

"I know you how this Harris and what's he's capable of. Olivia and Stabler need you to go all out. Can I count on you?" Cragen was admitting to Fin that he was beginning to lose it.

"I'm there Cap. He's rough sir, he ain't got nothing to lose. This time I won't just arrest him when I get him, I'll kill him."

"Get up detective." Harris ordered Olivia. She had pulled the blindfold off of Elliot and was holding his head still.

"Please don't do this." Olivia tried knowing it was useless. "I don't understand why you brought Stabler here." She tried to stall any way possible.

"I want to see just how far you'll go to save his life. I was intrigued by the way you suffered for that little bitch Tyler and you didn't even know her. What will you do for you precious partner." Harris had a arrogant smile that burned through Olivia. He reached down and pulled Olivia up. "Let's go."

" Where's Dan ?" Olivia found herself actually wanting him there. " Please let me talk to Dan."

"He's no longer your boyfriend. I am now." Harries chuckled as he looked over at Elliot who was beginning to stir.

"Please, think this through. You know they have everybody out looking for us. They will shoot first." Olivia tried in vain to keep his attention off Elliot.

Harris was getting annoyed with her talking. He turned his attention back to Liv. He slowly backed her up to the wall. His face was close to hers and his body was pressing against hers. He stared her in the eye and began to kiss her. Olivia turned her head knowing what was coming. "Please don't, please don't." Panic was beginning to set in. All the training and experience wasn't going to help her now.

Elliot responded to Liv's cries. He opened his eyes and tried to stand. Harris punched Olivia in the stomach hard enough to knock the wind out of her and she crumbled to the ground. He moved over to Elliot. Elliot's hands were cuffed and he knew he couldn't defend himself. He saw Liv on the floor and called for her. "Liv!"

Olivia tried to call Elliot's name but couldn't. Harris pulled out his phone and called Dan. He then pushed Elliot back to the ground and made him sit against the wall. He slowly walked back over to Olivia who was beginning to get her breath back. "I see your partner has decided to wake up. Let's give him something to watch, shall we." He brought her up to her feet and planted his mouth on hers. She fought him off the best she could, but without her hands it was useless.

Elliot called Harris to get his attention. "Leave her alone. You're pissed, okay. Take it out on me. You've hurt her enough."

"Benson and I have something to finish. She ruined my life and she will have to pay for that. You, on the other hand, are here to make it worse for her." Harris called Dan again and was growing increasingly agitated when there was no answer.

"You will go away for life for this. It's not too late to reconsider." Elliot was trying to keep his attention, it was all he could do to help his partner. Olivia's eyes showed defeat and that alone broke Elliot's heart.

Harris laughed as he walked over to Olivia. He pulled out a key and uncuffed her. "If you try anything I will kill your partner. Don't be the cause of that detective." Olivia rubbed her wrists and Elliot could see a little bit of fight return to her face.

"Where's Dan and why isn't he answering you?" Olivia taunted him. "Maybe he gave up and went to the police. He wasn't as committed as you thought." she slowly made her way over to Elliot while Harris continued to call Dan.

Harris pulled out a gun from the back of his pants. "You better hope he calls me or your partner will get the first bullet." he pointed the gun at Elliot. "I have put a lot of work into this. I will get what I want." He pulled Olivia away from Elliot.

"Harris," Elliot grabbed his attention again. Just as he turned to look at Elliot, Olivia knocked the gun out of his hand. He immediately grabbled for Olivia and slammed her to the floor. He then got up and retrieved the gun. Harris made his way over to Elliot and put the gun against his temple.

" I do believe you are in the way now." Harris cocked the gun and Elliot closed his eyes.

"No!" Olivia screamed getting to her feet and charging Harris. He quickly turned to aim the gun into Olivia's face. He backed her up away from Elliot. He then turned back to Elliot and hit him in the head with the butt of the gun. Elliot was out and Olivia was alone again.

Harris approached Olivia and he had hate and anger in his eyes. "Maybe Dan did give up. All that means is I don't have much time."

"Please." Olivia whispered. "I'm sorry for what I did, but it's not too late. I can help you."

"You can help me by shutting your mouth." he punched her and she fell to the ground. He immediately was on top of her and had her arms pinned. Olivia screamed, but it was useless. He hit her again and everything was blurry.

"Please stop." Olivia begged him, but knew it was useless. She tried to struggle but was too dizzy. She felt him undoing her pants but his weight on her was too much to fight off. Olivia closed her eyes and cursed herself. She is a cop. This couldn't be happening to her. Her partner was bleeding and unconscious and she was going to be raped. How could she let this happen to her, to Elliot.

Harris seemed to take his time. He had dreamed of this for a long time. His cop bitch was now in the position he dreamed about. Defenseless, begging. "Kiss me, bitch." he whispered in her ear. When Olivia refused he hit her again and began undoing his pants.

Olivia couldn't fight anymore. Her face was bruised and swollen. Harris' weight was making it difficult to breath let alone fight. She closed her eyes and tried to escape her thoughts. The pain that radiated through her was enough to make her wish he would shoot her instead. He was raping her and with such anger and rage. She opened her eyes to see Harris. His eyes were fixed on hers and they were so angry. He kissed her and tried to stuff his tongue in her mouth. She refused and he hit her with all he had in an attempt to finish her. She immediately fell unconscious just as Elliot was coming to.

The sight he saw was enough to kill him. He couldn't look at his partner lying on the ground beaten and abused, and… raped. He did it. That son of a bitch raped her. He tried to see if she was breathing but he couldn't see from where he sat. Harris continued to kiss his unresponsive partner and Elliot wished he would just die. He was there and couldn't help her. Harris did it. He got the revenge he dreamed of and there was nothing Elliot could do about it. How could he face her knowing he couldn't protect her.

Harris got off Olivia and fixed his clothes. He looked for his gun and placed it back in his pants. Olivia lay motionless and Elliot was frozen with the guilt and torment of letting his partner be raped. He called Dan again and angrily smashed the phone when there was no answer. He walked back over to Olivia and pulled his gun out. He stared at her then looked over at Elliot. He chuckled. "Did you like that partner?"

Elliot was consumed with rage, he didn't care if Harris shot him. He got to his feet. Harris taunted him by putting the gun to Olivia's head. "What do I have to lose now?" Harris asked as he cocked the gun. Elliot lunged at Harris knowing this was the end.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5. These characters are not mine, but I love them just the same. Kind of hit a road block in the story. So here goes…

Fin stayed on scene of Elliot's car while Cragen headed back to the station. He thought about Olivia and Elliot and knew that Harris had them both. He thought back to Sealview and what was happening to Olivia when he got to her-just in time. He knew she wouldn't be able to mentally get through it this time, if physically he gave her a chance. Hopefully, Elliot is in a position to help her. Fin organized a few fellow detectives to go over the area; they had to be close by.

Dan walked up to Fin and just stood there. Fin looked at him with a surprised look. "No way, can it be this easy." He pulled his gun out and pointed it at Dan. "Hands behind your back now." Fin ordered and Dan obeyed.

"I know where they are. But if I tell you I want immunity." Dan had a smug look on his face and

Fin wasn't giving him an inch.

"How about I don't kill you right now, how's that for fair." Fin patted him down and took his guns from him as well as Olivia's phone.

Dan smiled and stalled. "The longer we deliberate, the better chance my friend has of carrying out his plan." Dan couldn't help but laugh as Fin gave a little.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do, but you did kidnap two detectives." Fin glared at Dan knowing he wasn't going to do a damn thing for him, but he couldn't take the chance of not getting to Olivia and Elliot in time.

Dan began to tell Fin where they took them, but then had a thought. "Do you think Olivia will ever forgive me?"

"Hell no." Fin was growing impatient. "Especially if you are in a position to help her and choose not to. Spill it!" Fin's patience had worn dangerously low.

Dan gave Fin all the details of the kidnappings and where to find them. He figured he had given Harris enough time and just wanted to try to catch a break from the police. Maybe Olivia would give him a second chance, he could hope.

Elliot plowed into Lowell Harris with such force than both men fell to the ground. Elliot did all he could to keep Harris from retrieving the gun that went flying across the room. With his hands cuffed he found it impossible to overpower him and Harris quickly retrieved the gun. He headed back to Olivia and put the gun to her head. "It's obvious you don't care what happens to her." Harris waited until Olivia started stirring before he hit her with the gun. Blood trailed down her face and he looked at Elliot with an evil smirk. "I'm sure she'll thank you for that headache."

Elliot was fuming and found himself completely frustrated. If he moved he knew Harris would shoot her or him. But he couldn't allow him to brutalize his partner. Elliot charged him again, and Harris pulled the trigger. He hit Elliot in the chest and watched him fall to the ground. Harris walked up to him and laughed at the fallen detective. "I guess you do care. Impressive." Harris walked to the door.

Elliot kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He knew this was bad, but he had to stay conscious. Olivia needed him, if she was able to wake up. He hit her pretty hard that last time and she was sure to have a concussion at the very least. How was he going to be able to help her. Harris raped her, with him right there in the room. She was a bloody mess right now and to add the trauma of a rape. His heart hurt for his partner, his best friend. His chest was feeling tight and breathing became harder and harder. He tried to slow his breathing, but was finding it hard to keep his eyes open. He heard the door slam open and a rush of voices.

Fin had arrived with plenty of reinforcements, but it was too late. Elliot closed his eyes and wondered if he would ever see Olivia again.

Fin had completely surprised Harris and when he raised his gun, Fin dropped him immediately. Elliot was close by and he knelt down to check for a pulse. Elliot felt his fingers on his neck but couldn't move. Fin saw Olivia across the room and rushed to her side. Tears streamed his face as he took in the scene. He felt for a pulse and was relieved to find one. Olivia was bleeding from her head and both eyes were almost swollen shut. The bruises on her face and arms were beginning to darken to a frightening purple color. Fin removed his coat and covered Olivia. The woman deserved some dignity. "Hang on baby girl. Help is coming, please just hang on." Fin held her until the paramedics arrived and quickly tended to her. Fin looked over to Elliot who was also being attended to.

Cragen entered the damp, cold wharehouse space to find his two detectives' lives on the line. He saw Elliot first and was told it was too soon to tell about his prognosis. He was rushed into a waiting bus and it sped away. He then saw Olivia being wheeled out. Her face almost unrecognizable. He asked Fin with his eyes only and Fin had answered him with simply a look. Yes, he got her this time. Cragen leaned down to Olivia who had not regained consciousness and whispered to her. "Elliot will need you, don't give up now." Cragen quickly wiped away tears as his gaze shifted to Harris who was dead due to Fin. "I had no choice Captain, he pulled on me."

"I believe you detective. No matter what, I believe you." Cragen left the building with his head low and heart heavy.

Elliot was immediately rushed into surgery once arriving at the hospital. The bullet managed to miss his heart, but had pierced his lung. He was having trouble breathing and the blood loss was dangerously too much. Olivia was taken into emergency where she was tended to for her wounds. She had began to stir once in the ambulance, but was quickly back out. Within a few hours both detectives were in their rooms, neither one conscious.

The doctor came out to inform Fin and Cragen of Olivia's condition. She had a severe concussion as well as bruising. Her staying unconscious was the body's way of healing. Yes, the rape was confirmed. Within a few weeks she should be physically back to normal. Cragen and Fin both knew, that wasn't even close to what she would be mentally and emotionally. If Elliot didn't make it, they knew she wouldn't either.

Elliot was stable at the moment, but the next twenty-four hours were critical. Cragen sat next to the bed of his hot shot detective. He knew if Olivia were sitting here, Elliot would fight to make it. Cragen whispered to Elliot about Olivia's condition. "She will need you more than ever." Cragen told him. He sat in silence except for the beeping of the monitors.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6. These characters are not mine, but I love them just the same. To those of you who have read and reviewed my story, I definitely appreciate you doing so. Thanks for the comments and advice. Now, on with the story.

Cragen had gotten a hold of Alex Cabot, probably Olivia's closet friend. She would definitely be prosecuting Dan for the kidnapping and every other charge she can pin on him. Right now, Olivia needed her to be her friend; the rest could wait. Alex was a hard nosed ADA that worked closely with the detectives at the special victims unit. They were all close, but Olivia had developed a very special friendship with Alex. She would count on her to put Dan Wheeler away, but now she couldn't know how much she would need her friend.

Alex held Olivia's hand and waited. Waited for her friend to open her eyes. It pained Alex to look at Olivia. Her physical injuries were so very prominent, but it was the emotional ones that worried Alex. She knew how tough Olivia was, but she worried that even this tough New York detective wouldn't be able to rise above such violence…especially if Elliot didn't make it.

Olivia stirred and tried to move her head. Alex quickly moved closer to her so that she wouldn't have to move too much to see that she was there by her side. "Liv, it's me Alex. You're okay now."

Olivia barely reacted to her friend's voice. She slowly opened her eyes, but couldn't see anything. A faint moan escaped her mouth as she tried to sit up. "Please Liv, take it easy." Alex called for the nurse while she placed her hands on Olivia's shoulders to keep her still. The nurse arrived and immediately took her vitals. She left as quickly as she had arrived and returned with the doctor. He checked Olivia's eyes and the gash on her forehead.

"I can't see." Olivia whispered to anyone that could hear her. The doctor explained more to Alex, that the swelling in her face and head was causing the temporary blindness. He ordered a strong pain killer that would undoubtedly keep Olivia out for hours to come in an effort to let her head heal.

Alex held her hand and leaned in when she saw Olivia trying to speak. "Where's Elliot?"

Alex was afraid to upset her, but knew better than to lie to her friend, especially not about her partner. "He's here Liv."

Her answer seem to be enough for the moment and Olivia slowly relaxed and her breathing became steady. Olivia kept her eyes closed as she mumbled something about Dan to Alex. Alex couldn't hear her, but didn't care. We'll deal with that later, now we worry about you two.

Elliot woke up to Cragen at his bedside. "Captain." Elliot mumbled.

"Stabler." Cragen answered him knowing what was coming.

"Is she okay?" Elliot couldn't get the picture of her on that cold floor out of his mind. She was tough, but the toughest women couldn't stand that kind of trauma.

"She's here Elliot. She's going to be fine. She needs you though."

"She needed me then, but I couldn't help her. " A few tears slid down Elliot's face. Cragen thought his heart would burst. He was supposed to be the hard ass ruler of these guys, but instead he was crying over them getting hurt. They didn't just get hurt, he reminded himself. They were wounded deeply.

Elliot drifted back out and Cragen left to get the doctor. Kathy and the kids were in the waiting room when he walked out. The look on Elliot's wife's face was enough to make any man cry. "He's waking up slowly." Cragen silently offered to sit with the kids while Kathy rushed to her husband's side.

Kathy grasped Elliot's hand and he instantly mumbled Olivia's name. A wounded look crossed Kathy's face. She hadn't gotten all the details but she did know that Olivia had been hurt as well. She told herself that was why her husband had called her name.

"No honey, it's me." Elliot smiled at the sound of his wife's voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you last night." Elliot suddenly remembered how much trouble he would've been in had he not ended up here.

"I love you, El." Kathy felt like such and ass for knowing how easy it would be to lose her husband with the work he did. Even so, she often was furious for the time he spent at work; at work with her.

"Olivia is hurt, Kathy. She was raped; in front of me."

Kathy felt for the woman she swore was trying to steal her husband. She didn't want to think about all that now. Elliot was hurt and needed her, his wife. She was going to be there for him. She bent and kissed his forehead before leaving. She headed out to the nurse's station. " Can you direct me to Olivia Benson's room?" She felt the need to at least see her and tell her how sorry she was.

Kathy slowly opened the door and started in. Olivia's face was so badly bruised that she almost didn't recognize her. She stared for a few minutes before turning to leave. She wanted to blame Olivia for getting Elliot to work late and get hurt. She knew that's not how it worked; how her husband worked. There was no way she could feel anything but sorrow for this woman now.

Fin entered the interrogation room and slammed the door. Dan jumped when he slammed his fist down on the desk. "I'm going to sit here and listen to every damn detail about what happened. You are going to tell me and you're going to do it without that fucking smirk on your face!" Fin wasn't in the mood for games, nor deals.

"I didn't hurt her." Dan started sounding very much like a little kid. His stature was big, but his voice was weak. "She was fine when I left."

"Fine?" Fin tried to keep his composure. Olivia was so much better at that when questioning perps. "You took her against her will, and wouldn't let her leave. Anything that happened after is on you as well."

"I didn't rape her." Dan rose to his feet, but Fin didn't move.

"Who said she was raped?" Fin was quickly losing patience.

The look on Dan's face said it all and he started spilling. "Harris told me about her when we shared a cell. He wanted revenge on the bitch that put him in there. I agreed to help, and he agreed to pay me…big."

Dan had returned to his seat when his attempt to unnerve Fin was unsuccessful.

"Go on." Fin ordered.

"I had to get her to him. That's all I was supposed to do. It was hard, she's a beautiful woman and I wanted her for myself." Dan looked as if he were going to lose it for a moment before he continued. "I started to fall for her, but the money was too good. I'll testify against Harris, but I can't go back to prison, he'll kill me."

Fin looked at Dan with eyes that could kill. "Harris is dead. Detective Benson was beaten and raped. Detective Stabler was shot and may die. And you will be going back to prison for life. You'll go down for it all." Fin got up and walked out of the room. He didn't know how much he had been sweating in there. He hated his job sometimes and today was the worst day he has had in his twenty year career. Cragen met up with Fin as he slumped in his chair.

"Elliot's awake." Cragen offered in an attempt to bring some life back to Fin's eyes. He then answered the question Fin didn't ask. "Olivia has some severe swelling in her head and face. They are trying to keep her asleep in an effort to give her body time to heal. I think they are both going to make it." The captain hurried into his office and pulled the shades. He burried his head in his hands and cried.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 I do not own these characters, but I love them just the same.

Elliot wasn't doing well at all. He couldn't stay awake for any amount of time. The doctors informed his wife and colleagues that the amount of blood he lost was making his recovery difficult. They were worried about pneumonia. It was looking like more surgery was in need to remove his damaged lung. Each time he awoke, he asked abut Olivia. He wanted to see her, but was told he she wasn't in any shape to visit right now. He would immediately slip into unconsciousness when he was told he wouldn't be seeing her. He had to know if she was okay. He had to see for himself.

Olivia was laying in bed staring at the ceiling when Alex came in. She was staring, but wasn't seeing anything. "Hey Liv. How are you doing." Alex tried to sound as cheerful as possible, but there was nothing to be cheerful about right now.

"I can't see Alex." Olivia's voice sounded defeated and her body was broken.

"The doctors say it's temporary. Once the swelling goes down, your vision should return. Hang in there."

"I haven't heard from Elliot yet. He probably can't stand to look at me. He was there Alex. He was there when Harris raped me." Olivia couldn't control the tears that streamed down her face now.

"Oh honey, no. Elliot wants more than anything to see you. He asks for you each time he wakes up." Alex felt so sorry for her friend.

"What do you mean? Is Elliot alright?" Olivia tried to sit up but her head throbbed with each movement.

"Olivia, Elliot was shot by Harris. He's fighting right now, he's in ICU."

"He shot him? He shot him anyway, even after he raped me. I thought he wouldn't hurt El if he got me." Olivia was bordering hysteria at this point. "How bad is he Alex and please don't lie to me."

"You know Elliot, he's too cocky to let this keep him down. He'll be back at work before you know it." Alex tried, but knew she was failing miserably.

"Is he going to die?" Olivia broke down and sobbed into Alex's arms. "He's going to die because of me."

"Liv, you know that's not true. Elliot would do anything for you and he did. He tried to protect you, but Lowell Harris was determined to get revenge. There was nothing either of you could have done. You didn't know what was going on." Alex carefully wiped the tears from Olivia's battered face.

"I want to see him. I need to see him." Olivia insisted on getting out of the bed, but passed out as soon as she sat up.

Elliot was taken back into surgery. His lung was able to be repaired, which was good news. Now it depended on his desire to live and get healthy again. Kathy was by his side day and night. She wanted her husband to come home to them in the worst way. Elliot asked Kathy to please go see Olivia. He had to know the truth about her condition. Kathy didn't know what to say to her husband's partner. She would never wish such a terrible thing on her or any woman for that matter. But her husband asked her to visit and she would.

Kathy knocked on the door to Olivia's room. When nobody answered she slowly opened the door. Olivia was sleeping, but she wasn't peaceful by any means. Kathy moved to her bedside and softly called her name. Olivia stirred and turned toward the voice. "Olivia, it's me Kathy."

"Is Elliot ok?" Olivia didn't bother to open her eyes and this worried Kathy.

"He's doing better. He wanted me to check on you. He feels nobody is giving him a straight answer as to how you're doing." Kathy was very uncomfortable but even so reached out and held Liv's hand.

"Kathy, I can't see you. I can't see at all. Tell Elliot I'm sorry and that I'm fine." Olivia didn't want Kathy sitting with him. She needed to be with her partner, only she knows what this life is like, not Kathy.

"Olivia, you're anything but fine. I'm sorry for what happened to you, you didn't deserve any of it."

Olivia opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling again. "Please leave Kathy. I'm fine. Go be with your husband, he needs you." Olivia turned her head away from Elliot's wife and heard her get up to leave the room. As soon as the door shut, Olivia let the tears fall.

Elliot was improving each day. He was anxious to see Olivia, to hold her and tell her how sorry he was for what Harris did. He knew she was probably feeling so alone right now. Fin, Alex, and the Cragen all made their rounds religiously. And updates were shared, but both detectives needed more than updates.

Olivia's sight was slowly starting to return. Her body was beginning to heal, but her spirit was shattered. She kept asking for more pain medication, it helped her sleep and that is all she wanted to do. Alex continuously tried to get Olivia to talk to her about what happened, but Olivia refused.

Elliot convinced Fin to help him get to Olivia's room once his family had left. It had been over a week since they were both wheeled into the hospital and he refused to wait any longer to see her. Fin helped him into a wheelchair and wheeled him to Olivia. She was sleeping and didn't hear them come in. Elliot picked up her hand and held the back of it to his face. She turned to see who was there and her eyes welled up with tears when she saw El. He looked horrible.

"Hi Liv. I've missed you." Elliot didn't bother trying to control his tears.

"Elliot, I'm sorry. This is all my fault. If I only listened to you about Dan…"

"LIv, it's not your fault. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you from Harris. I'm so sorry he hurt you."

"I'm fine Elliot. I need to get out of this hospital and find him." Olivia finally showed a little spunk.

"Baby girl, I got him. Lowell Harris is dead." Fin thought his words would make Olivia smile, but she turned her head and let her tears fall.

"Please leave. I don't want to talk. " Olivia didn't know what to do with what Fin had just told her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 These characters aren't mine, but I love them just the same

Elliot's heart broke watching Olivia react to what both he and Fin thought would be good news to her. Elliot grabbed her hand and tried to get her to look at him. "Liv, talk to me."

"Please leave me alone. Please, Elliot." Olivia whispered and closed her eyes.

Elliot motioned to Fin and together they left. He didn't know what to do; how to help his partner.

"Give her some time." Fin suggested when they got back to Elliot's room. "She's got a lot to work through."

"I know." Elliot mumbled. Fin helped him back to the bed and Elliot realized that little trip took a lot out of him. His thoughts were of Olivia and the hell she's been through. He just wanted to protect her and he failed miserably at that. Okay, there's was nothing he could do and it wasn't his fault. His mind knew that, but his heart told him he let his partner down.

Olivia didn't feel that way at all. She didn't listen to Elliot when he warned about Dan. She just thought he was being overprotective like he always was when she started dating someone new. Elliot was hurt and it was obvious to her that he was in bad shape. She couldn't help but feel responsible for that. He was her partner; she loved him. Olivia's head was throbbing and she called for the nurse. She needed more pain medication. She normally would of dealt with the pain, but she felt she had no reason to prove how tough she was. She surely didn't feel tough anymore and didn't care if that was obvious to anyone. It wasn't long and she felt her eyes getting heavy. Her thoughts were of Elliot and Kathy and how she was there for him. That was good. He needed his wife right now, not his partner. His partner that allowed him to get hurt.

Alex showed up like she did every evening after work. Olivia was just beginning to wake up and smiled at her friend. Alex was glad to see some life creeping back into Olivia and quickly took her place next to her bed. "Alex, I need to get out of here. I've been here long enough."

"You're not ready. You're still having headaches." Alex was concerned, but was ready for this. Olivia hated hospitals.

"I can't lie here any longer waiting for everything to get better." Olivia looked at her friend. Alex could see the bruising starting to heal but knew the worst of her attack was yet to come. Olivia had dealt with many rape victims during her career, she had to know that.

"Liv, talk to me about what happened. You and I both know it's part of the healing process."

"I'm okay, Alex. I can't stand being here. It's so depressing; besides, I need to question Dan."

"Oh no." Alex was firm. "You are not involved in his prosecution at all. Cragen's orders."

"I need to do something helpful besides just lie here. Elliot's hurt and Harris is dead. Dan…"

"…is my problem now." Alex sat on the edge of Olivia's bed and reached for her friend's hand. "I will take care of the rest of this. He's going away for a long time."

Olivia felt a tear escape and quickly wiped it away. "I can't keep feeling like a victim."

"Liv, you are the victim. It's not your fault, but you are. We need you to concentrate on getting better, on healing. Elliot needs you to be better; he feels like he let you down." Alex tried to reason with her.

"What?" Olivia looked devastated. "He tried so hard to stop Harris, but they had him cuffed and they kept hurting him." Olivia's thoughts returned to the cold, damp, dark room they were kept in. She remembered Elliot being unconscious when Harris began raping her.

"You know Elliot," Alex began, "his job is to protect his partner and he takes that very seriously."

Olivia barely heard Alex's voice. Her thoughts were of holding his head while they waited to find out what was going to happen next. It was her job to protect him as well, and she failed him. "Alex, I'm really tired again."

"Okay, get some rest. It'll get better, you'll see."

Olivia forced a smile for her friend and watched her leave. Alex would put Dan away and she knew it. Harris was dead, so he couldn't hurt her or anyone else again. What about her and Elliot. Things could never be the same. She is a cop, she is supposed to be able to protect herself and her partner.

Olivia forced herself to stand up. It was time to leave but she knew the doctor wouldn't discharge her yet. Olivia found her clothes that she came in with and got dressed. She walked out of her room and down the hall. It was late, so there weren't many people around as she entered the elevator. She caught a cab and headed home.

She slowly entered her apartment. It was a mess as due to the investigation but she didn't care. She quickly changed out of the clothes she had to wear home. They were the clothes she was wearing when this all started, so she threw them in the trash. Her head was throbbing again, so she lay down on her bed and was asleep quicker than she wanted to be.

Elliot woke up to the sounds of his monitor hollering . The nurses rushed in and were soon followed by a few doctors. His blood pressure had dropped to a dangerous low. He was bleeding in his chest. He heard the doctors orders to prep him for surgery quickly. His heart was bleeding, he thought to himself. I love her and I can't help her. She was raped by that animal, and I just lied there. She screamed for me and I couldn't get to her. He felt the cool wind on his face as he was raced into the O. R. His thoughts were of his kids and the joy they all brought him. He then thought of Olivia. How she would smile at him each morning before getting down to business. How she took such pride in how tough she could be. He wanted to hold her and let her know he loved her. Not just as his partner, he loved her with his bleeding heart.

Kathy rushed into the hospital and met Cragen and Fin in the waiting room. They explained why the panicked call. She sat down and cried quietly for her husband. His kids needed him; she needed him.

Olivia could feel his breath on her face and felt his hands grip her thighs. Not again. She felt the pain sear through her body and she cried out. She awoke grasping for breath and forced herself to see in the darkness. She was home; alone. There was no Harris. She went to the fridge and got some water. She took some Tylenol and tried to slow her heart down. Her chest was heavy and she felt sharp shooting pains. Was she having a heart attack. No, just a panic attack. She forced herself to calm down, to slow her breathing.

She lied down on the couch and wondered why the pain in her chest. She thought of Elliot and hoped he was okay. Surely they would call her if he wasn't. She didn't have her phone back yet, so maybe not. They didn't even know she had left the hospital. It was just as well. She really didn't want to talk to anyone.

Elliot had Kathy to tend to him. He would be okay she reassured herself as she drifted off to sleep again, this time on the couch.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 These characters aren't mine but I love them just the same

Cragen decided to pay Olivia a visit while they waited for news on Elliot. He entered her room to find it empty. He immediately went to the nurse's station and demanded to know where she was. The nurse summoned the doctor after also finding Olivia's room empty. Cragen demanded answers and then realized, it was all his detective. She hated hospitals, but he knew this was much more serious than that. She was not in a very good place mentally or emotionally and he was worried. He hurried back to the waiting room and whispered to Fin the situation. Fin left immediately and Cragen sat with Kathy and the kids and waited. Waited to hear news, any thing about his best detective.

Olivia was sleeping restlessly on her couch. Every time she closed her eyes she either saw, smelt, or felt Lowell Harris hurting her. She was so exhausted and wanted to sleep, but was afraid to close her eyes. A loud knock on the door startled her and she jumped up from the couch. The pain shooting through her head caused her to fall back onto the couch, her heart beating a mile a minute. She sat and stared at the door.

"Liv, it Fin. Let me in." Olivia was relieved and irritated at the same time. She opened the door bracing herself for the tongue lashing Fin most likely would deliver.

"Baby girl, what are you doing." Fin walked in looking around her apartment for anything, nothing.

"I had to get out of there. I don't belong there anymore and the nurse's were driving me crazy." Olivia whined as she went to the kitchen searching for her one vice that she only used when she had enough. She found her bottle of whiskey and took a long swig.

"Whoa!" Fin looked surprised. " Don't do that Olivia. You're not doing yourself any good."

"Fin, honey, shut the hell up." Olivia sat down on the couch and wished he would leave, but she knew Cragen wouldn't be far behind.

"Liv, Elliot is back in surgery." Fin sat down next to her and softly delivered the news. Olivia's gaze never left her television, which was off. A tear rolled down her cheek and she didn't bother moving to wipe it away. Fin wanted to pull her into his arms, but was afraid to touch her. "I know he would want to see you when he wakes up."

"I can't see him. Look what's happening to him because of me." the tears flowed freely now and Olivia didn't care.

"That's not true and you know it." Fin wanted to grab her and shake her, but knew that would be the last thing she needed right now. "He needs his partner, he needs you Olivia."

"He has Kathy and the kids. I have no place there Fin. Just tell him I'm sorry." Olivia took another long swig and enjoyed the burning sensation as her drink made it's way down her throat.

"You tell him you're sorry. He's laying there because he would do anything for you. I thought you would do anything for him as well." Fin moved in closer to Olivia and she immediately tensed. "Your partner needs YOU."

Fin put Olivia's phone on her side table and got up to leave. He opened the door and looked back at Olivia. He hated seeing her so broken. He locked the door and left knowing Cragen wouldn't be satisfied. He called Alex and told her to get over to Olivia's as soon as possible.

Elliot was out of surgery and the doctors were cautiously optimistic. Kathy was allowed in to be with him but that was all until he was transferred into a room. Kathy looked at her husband. He looked so weak, so frail. This was not her Elliot. She couldn't help but wonder if he would be the same after this. How she wished he would give up this job, but she knew that's not who her husband was. Elliot began to stir and immediately called for Olivia. Kathy tried to realistically understand why he would call for her, but she was his wife. He should be calling for his wife instead of his partner. Would he be wanting to see his partner so bad if she were a he? Kathy forced the thoughts from her mind and leaned in close to her husband.

"I'm here honey. You're going to be okay now." Kathy kissed his head.

"Where's Olivia." Elliot mumbled not even opening his eyes.

"El, take it easy. She'll be here soon." Kathy couldn't help but feel hurt. She couldn't imagine the ordeal Olivia had been through and to know her husband was there as well was much more than Kathy could understand. She had to believe he wanted to see her to make sure she was okay, never mind his own health. Elliot begged his wife to get Olivia. He wanted to see her.

Kathy left the room and with tears in her eyes went back to the waiting room to join the others.

"Will you pull some strings or something and get Olivia in there. That's all he's saying is that he wants to see her." Kathy couldn't control the tears and Cragen just held her knowing that his detectives had more than a partnership. As far as he knew they remained professional and hadn't crossed the line, but there was no doubt they had a special bond.

"Olivia isn't here." Cragen began, "she left the hospital on her own."

"Knowing how bad Elliot is, she would just leave?" Kathy was pissed now. "How could she be so selfish. Elliot has been needing to see her and she would just leave. She hasn't even bothered to check on him or anything. And this is his partner."

"Hold on now." Cragen tried to explain, not really knowing what was going on. "Olivia has been through a very tragic event, for both herself and Elliot. She's not thinking straight and I'm sure is unsure of how to act right now. She wasn't discharged, she left. I'm worried about her." Cragen's last statement was more for him.

"At least she could leave on her own. My husband may never leave. I'm worried about him." Kathy stormed off just as Fin entered the room.

"Captain, she's home, but she's not well." Fin began wondering what to tell their boss.

" I know that. Did you tell her about Elliot?"

"Yeah, she blames herself for his injury. She won't come see him. She's hitting the bottle Cap." Fin knew Cragen would respond to that as he was a recovering alcoholic who so wanted a bottle himself right now.

Cragen sat down on one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. He knew the history of Olivia's mother and the drinking due to her rape. He couldn't let Olivia go down the same path. She was such a strong woman and a amazing detective. Nobody handled the victims like she did. Now who was going to help her now that she was a victim. He was her commanding officer, but she needed a father right now. She needed to know she was loved and cared for. He was afraid of the bottle and didn't know how far Olivia would go.

Fin interrupted his thought. "I called Alex and asked her to get over there."

"Good." Captain Cragen stood up and walked out of the waiting room. He waited until he was in his car before wiping the tears away. One drink would be one drink too many for him and he knew it. He needed something, he needed his heart to stop cracking. He wanted to go hold Olivia, but it wouldn't be appropriate. He was their commanding officer and it was his job to keep his detectives in line. He had no clue what to do in this situation. He drove back to the station and got back to work.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 These characters are not mine but I love them just the same.

Alex knocked on Olivia's door and waited for what seem like forever for her to open it. When she did it was obvious that Olivia had continued drinking after Fin left. " Come on in, have a drink with me."

"Liv, what are you doing?" Alex shut the door behind her and picked up the empty bottle laying on the couch.

"Don't lecture me, I'm not in the mood. But, I will share." Olivia was definitely relaxed, but it would be a long time before she would ever be a happy drunk. She could definitely understand why her mother drank the way she did.

Alex let out a long sigh and sat on the couch next to her friend. "I know you're hurting, but you know that this isn't going to help."

"Alex, I just want to be able to close my eyes and not see him. I can still feel him touching me, raping me. Please don't look at me like I'm doing something wrong." Olivia took a long drink from another bottle she had started before Alex arrived.

"I'm just worried about you. I stopped by the hospital on the way over to check on Elliot. He's out of surgery ; the doctors say it went well." Alex waited for a response, but when there was none she continued. "He's been asking to see you."

"I can't see him. I can't." A single tear escaped.

"Why. Tell me what's going on Liv. I'm here for you, please talk to me."

Olivia took another drink and leaned her head back on the couch. "I can't see him right now. I'm too ashamed. I should've listened to him about Dan."

"You couldn't have known. Elliot doesn't like anybody you date. He didn't even know what Dan was up to. Liv, you have nothing to be ashamed of." Alex took hold of her hand.

"They hurt him because of me. Harris shot him after he raped me. Why would he do that?" Olivia stood and began to walk toward the window. Her balance was a bit off, but she managed to turn and look at Alex. "I love him Alex, I always have."

"I know you do, sweetie. You two are more than just partners, we all know that. Elliot doesn't blame you at all, he just wanted to protect you. He's hurting too Liv. He feels he let you down."

Olivia made her way back to the couch and flopped down. "You don't understand. I am in love with my partner. My married partner."

"Okay, I understand." Alex wondered how much of what Liv was saying was the alcohol. She figured she knew what she was telling her. Normally she would've kept these feelings hidden. "Liv, all the more reason to go see him."

"I am a cop, a detective. I couldn't defend myself. I let Harris humiliate me in front of Elliot. And if that wasn't bad enough, he got shot trying to help me. How can I face him now?" Olivia let the tears fall freely as she continued drinking her whiskey straight. It didn't burn anymore, she was becoming numb to it.

"You didn't let him do anything. So what you are a cop, you were unarmed. I know you would take a bullet any day for Elliot. It's no different for him." Alex felt the tears form in her own eyes as she realized just how wounded Olivia was.

Olivia closed her eyes and began to speak slowly. " I quit, Alex. I will be turning in my sheild to Cragen. I can't do this anymore."

"Give it some time Liv. You don't mean that, you're confused, and hurt right now." Alex watched as Olivia drifted off to sleep. She wished she wouldn't have drank so much, but if that's what it took to get some sleep, then good for her. She stared at Olivia trying to imagine what she was feeling right now. Her bruises were still very prominent although starting to heal. Alex knew the bruises inside may never heal.

Alex reached over and took the bottle of whiskey from Olivia. She helped her lie down on the couch and covered her up with a blanket. She then moved to the chair and took a long drink herself. It burned bad. "How the hell were you drinking this straight." she questioned out loud. Olivia's breathing was steady and she seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

Kathy went back to stay with her husband. She was his wife and it hurt that he needed somebody else right now. She told herself she wouldn't take it personal. Elliot loves her; she knows that. Elliot smiled when she walked in the room. He was looking better in just a few hours. "Hi honey." Kathy kissed her husband on the forehead.

"Hi. How are the kids?" Elliot's voice was raspy.

"They want to see you." Kathy knew he would want to see them as well.

"I want to see them too. What about Olivia? How is she doing?"

Kathy wondered if she should tell Elliot that Olivia had left the hospital. " She checked herself out, El."

Elliot didn't say anything for a few minutes. "She hates hospitals."

"I thought for sure she would come by to check on you." Kathy was sorry that this was hurting him, but it was best.

"She's lost right now, Kathy." Elliot didn't want to discuss his partner with her. "Where's my phone. I have to call Cragen."

"Can't that wait. You need to worry about yourself right now and concentrate on getting better."

"I have to find out what's going on with Olivia. I'm sorry if you don't understand that." Elliot gave his wife a look that she definitely understood. She handed him his phone.

"Captain." Elliot knew Cragen would give him the scoop straight up.

"Elliot. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. What's going on with Liv?"

Elliot listened while Cragen explained. He hung up the phone and closed his eyes. He had to go to her, to be with her. She needed someone who understood her.

"Honey, are you okay?" Kathy knew he wasn't.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Can you see if the kids can come in here. I really would like to see them."

Olivia was begging him not to hurt her, not to rape her. He didn't care that she was begging. His grip was so tight. She couldn't breathe and she couldn't move. Her body screamed with pain every time he thrust into her. She let out a scream that startled Alex, but she immediately rushed to her friend. Olivia sat up and buried her face in her hands. After a few minutes, Olivia headed for the bathroom where she was sick. Alex rubbed her back and gave her a cool washcloth for her face. After a few minutes, Olivia lied down on the bathroom floor on her back. "Liv, what do you need me to do?" Alex hated seeing her like this.

"I need a favor." Olivia choked out her words. " I need you to find my gun."

"Why do you need your gun." Alex was afraid of what Olivia may have been thinking.

"I can't take it Alex. I wished he would've killed me. I just want to die."

"Please, Liv. Go see Elliot. You'll see that he loves you and cares for you. I love you, we all do. We will be here to help you get through this." Alex didn't know what to say to help Olivia. Olivia closed her eyes as the tears ran down her face. She was out again. Alex left the light on and left the bathroom.

"Elliot. It's Alex."

"Hey, what's going on with Olivia?" Elliot was relieved to hear from her. He knew she was close to Olivia and was hoping that Alex would be able to get Liv to come see him.

"I'm scared El. She asked for her gun."

"Okay, she probably feels nervous and scared in her apartment. Dan attacked her there."

"No, Elliot. She said she wants to die."

There was silence on the other line. Finally Elliot spoke. "Alex you have to get her to come see me."

"I'm trying. She feels all this is her fault. She thinks you saw her get raped and is ashamed to face you."

"Where is she now?" Elliot breathed heavily into the phone.

"She's passed out on the bathroom floor. She got drunk off her ass tonight and woke up with nightmares." Alex contemplated on sharing with him what Olivia had said about being in love with him. She decided it wouldn't be fair to Olivia.

"Let her sleep. But please get her to come see me. I love her and if I felt like I could walk right now I'd be there."

"I'll keep trying." Alex hung up her phone and went to check on Olivia. She was truly passed out.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 These characters are mine, but I love them just the same.

Alex had fallen asleep in Olivia's chair and when she awoke she realized just how much she would pay for that choice. She went into the bathroom to find that Olivia had made her way into her bedroom. She appeared to be sleeping soundly in her bed. Alex was uneasy about leaving, but had to get to work. She left a note for Olivia to call her when she woke up and locked the door on her way out.

Olivia stirred a few hours later. The pain in her head prevented her from sitting up, so she kept her eyes closed and prayed for relief. She wasn't sure if her headache was from the drinking or the beating. She thought about Elliot. She thought about how it made her feel each day to walk into the station and see him leaning back in his chair chewing on his coffee straw. She thought about how scared she was when they threw him into the cold dark room with her. She thought about how she concentrated on his face while Harris raped her. He was unconscious, and for that she was thankful. She shuddered at the thought of him seeing her in such a weakened state. Not being able to defend, or protect herself. She slowly stood and made her way to the kitchen. She downed a few Tylenol and some water. She decided to get a shower and go to the hospital. She knew she was going to catch hell from Cragen, but she deserved it. She was beginning to believe it was too soon to leave. The pain in her head was not subsiding.

Elliot called Olivia's phone, but only got her voicemail. He would call it as many times as it took for her to answer. Fin told him he left her phone with her when he visited her yesterday. Eventually she would answer, he hoped. Alex knocked on his door and entered. Elliot tossed his phone on the table next to the breakfast he didn't touch. "Why won't she answer the damn phone."

"Good morning to you too." Alex looked like she had a rough night.

"Morning. I just wish she'd talk to me." Elliot looked like he needed to sleep for a week straight.

"Elliot. She drank quite a bit last night. She was talking about turning in her shield." Alex decided to continue when she realized how intently Elliot was listening to her. "She talked a little to me about what happened. She's feels ashamed and responsible for you getting hurt. I know that's what's stopping her from being her with you."

"Alex, what can I do?" Elliot closed his eyes and laid his head back on the pillow. "She's totally the victim here. She's guilty of trusting someone. How sad is that. She finally lets a man in and this happens."

"She needs help, but you know how stubborn she can be. It has to be when she's ready. I'm just worried about her emotionally, especially right now."

Elliot spoke softly without opening his eyes. " I heard her begging him. I heard her fighting him. I heard her cries, and I couldn't move. I tried, Alex. I tried to get to her, but I couldn't move. When I finally came to it was too late. He had raped her, hurt her bad. He saw me awake and hit her in the head with his gun knocking her out. He was then going to shoot her, I had to stop him. I stopped him, but it wasn't it time." There were tears rolling down Elliot's face. Alex too was crying.

"Please talk her into coming to see me. I need her to be here." Elliot all but begged Alex.

Alex passed Kathy on the way out and nodded her greeting, not saying a word. She ran into Cragen coming into the hospital. "How's Olivia?"

Of course he would ask her that first thing. "She had a rough night, but I think that's to be expected. Just don't be too hard on her for leaving the hospital." Don nodded at the ADA as she left the hospital. Cragen dialed Olivia's number; no answer.

Two days later, Olivia called Cragen and asked for a few days off. "Of course. Are you okay, Olivia." Don was trying to understand what she was thinking. He needed her to get healthy and for her to ask for time off was most unusual. Elliot was still frustrated over not hearing from his partner. Kathy tried to reason with him about how insensitive Olivia was being to his needs. Despite the turmoil that was happening within his heart, his health improved. He had to get better enough to find his partner. He knew she was not well, and the more time that went by, the more nervous he got.

The pain in Olivia's head was beginning to subside and her bruises were starting to fade. She was growing increasingly frustrated over not being able to get Harris' face out of her sights when she closed her eyes. She decided to visit her mother today. Olivia had been thinking a lot about her mother lately. It had become so clear as to why she behaved the way she did the whole time Olivia was growing up. She sat with her mother for what ended up being all morning. She didn't talk, just sat with her. She left the cemetery and headed to the liquor store. She never thought she would run out of liquor, but it helped right now. She was frantically searching for a way to cope and get back to normal. She ignored her friends pleas to talk to someone; the was the last thing she wanted to do. She was struggling with the feelings of helplessness. The humility of being raped. The guilt of not protecting her partner as well as the realization that she was in love with him. She knew all along that she loved Elliot, but it wasn't until this tragic event that she realized just how much. He was married and his wife loved him. Olivia refused to mess that up for him. She was sure Elliot was upset with her for not coming back to the hospital. She had wanted to, even started to, but decided she couldn't.

Olivia returned to her apartment with her whiskey and made herself comfortable on her couch. She put the television on, but had no intention of watching anything. She couldn't stand the silence. Her thoughts were consumed with Harris, Dan and of course, Elliot. How could she not know Dan had an agenda that Olivia couldn't see. Why didn't she listen to Elliot; he had said there was something off about him. Why didn't she listen to her own instincts for that matter. Her phone ringing startled her as she looked at the caller ID. Elliot refused to give up. She tossed the phone down and finished off the bottle. If she could only fight like she could drink, maybe she wouldn't be in this predicament. It seems she had her mother's ability to hold her liquor. She let the tears flow when she realized that drinking and being raped seemed to be all she had in common with her mother. Olivia was halfway through another bottle of whiskey when she decided she had to see Elliot. She knew he would be angry with her, but she deserved his anger. She pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a long sleeved NYPD sweatshirt and headed to the hospital. She took a cab, not trusting herself to drive. The cold air on her face only intensified the anxiety she felt walking into the hospital. She was relieved that none of her coworkers were there. It was late and visiting hours were over. Hopefully they would let her in to see Elliot. She took the elevator to the fourth floor. The motion made her lose her balance. She steadied herself and realized that she was definitely over the limit. She's been over the limit for over a week now. How dare anyone judge her for that; nobody was, but she felt defensive nonetheless.

She stopped at the nurse's station and asked for Elliot's room. The nurse smiled politely and announced that visiting hours were over for the day. "I'm Detective Olivia Benson. He's my partner." She had brought her badge that she had planned on giving to Cragen. The nurse gave her the room number despite it being late. Olivia walked to his room and stood outside the door for what seemed like forever. Why was she so scared to see him. She pushed the door open slowly and stepped into his room. It was dark, but he had the television on. Elliot was sleeping and didn't stir when she entered. She slowly made her way to the bed and sat down in the chair that Kathy sat in every time she came to see her husband. She stared at him. He looked so much better than when he came to her room a week ago. He was starting to look more like the Elliot she saw every day at work. She wanted to reach out and stroke his hair, touch his face. Her thoughts went back to when he was thrown into the room with her. His head was bleeding. She remembered holding his head in her lap. How she wished she could hold him now. She felt tears stinging her face, but she just stared at her partner. There was no way they could be partners after this. She couldn't wait for him to come to the rescue every time she got in trouble. It wasn't fair. He needed a partner that had his back. She slowly got to her feet and made her way to the door. "I love you." she whispered and quickly left the room.

Elliot stirred and slowly woke up. He expected to see yet another nurse in the room, instead saw nobody. He thought he heard someone; must've been the tv. He was so tired of this place. They were letting him go home tomorrow; he was so tired of being in the hospital. He was going to find his damn partner first thing and she was going to talk to him whether she liked it or not.

Olivia made it back to her apartment. She surely didn't feel any better. She polished off yet another bottle. It was clear to her that things were never going to be the same for her and Elliot. She would never be the same. She had managed to deal with the incident at Sealview enough to move on, but this was too much. How would she ever be with another man. She couldn't even imagine letting someone touch her again. It didn't matter; she didn't want any man to touch her. Except maybe Elliot. That would never happen. He was devoted to his family; like he should be. Her phone rang and she resisted the urge to throw it across the room. Instead she answered. "Alex." Olivia sounded relieved.

"Olivia, are you okay?" Alex could tell she was hammered-again.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Can I come over?" Alex was outside the door as they spoke.

"Sure, I could use the company." Olivia was startled by a light knock at the door.

"It's me, I'm already here." Alex knew she would be nervous.

Olivia let her in and went to the kitchen. She returned with a glass for her best friend. Alex could see the empty bottles in the kitchen and was immediately concerned. Olivia returned to her spot on the couch and continued drinking.

"Liv." Alex didn't want to judge her, but she was numbing her feelings and it was only making things worse. "I'm really worried about you."

"I saw Elliot tonight." Olivia started. Alex hoped she was ready to open up. "He didn't know it, he was asleep." She shook her head and took a long drink straight from the bottle. Alex winced as she watched her drink without any expression.

"You didn't want to wake him? I'm sure he wouldn't have minded. Olivia, he's been waiting to see you."

"I couldn't. He's looking better, but it'll never be the same."

"Why do you say that." Alex just wanted her to keep talking.

" I can't be his partner anymore. I can't even take care of myself, let alone my partner. You don't understand. Partners in our line of work take on a whole different meaning." Olivia stood up, only to sit back down. She was totally intoxicated and her words were a bit slurred, but she was talking.

"Liv, there's still so much for you two to work through. Don't make any decisions now, give it time."

"I love him. You can't love your partner, not the way I do. It complicates things. You start putting your partner before the job and that can get you killed. Kind of ironic, isn't it?" Olivia smiled at her realization. It was so good to see her smile again, but Alex could see how much pain was encased within that short lived smile. "I went there to tell him that. That I was in love with him. Hell, he took a bullet to the chest and it didn't kill him. Telling him that I was in love with him couldn't possible do any more damage than that." Olivia actually laughed a little. Alex couldn't help but smile. Olivia was looking very weak and frail as of late. She had lost at least ten pounds, not that she needed to, but she barely ate since dinner with Dan nearly two weeks ago. She was drinking and puking. Self destructing was really the only way to describe what she was doing to herself.

"Can I order something for us to eat." Alex hoped that maybe she was feeling better enough to eat something; anything.

"Nah, I'm not hungry. I'm so tired, but can't seem to sleep." Olivia finished off her third bottle and lied back on the couch. "I'm sorry Alex. I've been so rude lately."

"No worries. How about getting into your bed tonight. Maybe you can get a good nights sleep. Elliot's getting out of the hospital tomorrow. I'm sure he'll want to see you." She helped her friend to her feet and then to her bedroom. Olivia was asleep before even hitting the pillows. Alex covered her up. She thought about how uncomfortable sleeping in jeans and a sweat shirt would be, but decided it wouldn't matter. Olivia had passed out again. Alex left with a heavy heart.

Olivia felt the cold floor underneath her. Her face was throbbing from Harris' latest blow. His weight was on her and she couldn't breath. She felt him push into her numerous times, each thrust hurting more than the last. She felt him kissing her, but she couldn't move. She heard him talking. Talking to Elliot. She felt the God awful pain to her head. Just kill me already, she thought. She heard the gun cock and new it would be over soon. She heard the bullet and Fin hollering. She heard another gunshot and everything went dark. Her phone was ringing again.

"Benson." She answered. Habit while half asleep to answer it.

"Liv?" It was Elliot. Her Elliot. "Are you okay."

"El, I'm think I'm going to be sick" and with that she stumbled out of bed and barely made it to the bathroom. She assumed the position when she was finished. Flat on her back on the cool floor of her bathroom. She didn't bother wiping away the tears as she once again fell unconscious on the cool, hard floor.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 I do not own these characters, but love them just the same.

Elliot knocked on his partners door and waited patiently for her to answer. When she didn't, he used his spare key to let himself in. He had just talked to her. It was after two in the afternoon, he wondered if Olivia was aware of that or if she even cared. He looked around and saw the empty bottles of alcohol that littered the kitchen. He knew she was hurting and could imagine how alone she was feeling. He looked into her bedroom but didn't see her. He checked the bathroom and found her. His heart broke at the sight. She was asleep on the floor of the bathroom. He softly called her name, she didn't move. He tried again, a little worried. When she still didn't answer, he bent down to her and touched her face gently. She immediately grabbed his hand and started to scream.

"Shhh. Liv, it's me, Elliot." he tried to comfort her. It took a minute for her to realize what was going on. She grabbed onto him and he held her. He felt her crying into his chest, and knew there was no where he would rather be. He helped her to her feet and looked into her eyes. "It's going to be okay." he helped her to the couch and sat down next to her. She looked so frail, so broken. She had lost quite a bit of weight. On her naturally slim frame, she couldn't afford that. He waited until she was ready to speak, he didn't rush her.

"I'm sorry Elliot. I haven't been feeling too good. You…how are you? Are you okay?" she touched his face, like she was wanting to do the night before when she watched him sleep.

"I'm fine, Liv. I was so worried about you. I wish you would've come see me. I needed so bad to see you." Elliot held both her hands with his own.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't. I couldn't see you hurt like that. Elliot, I should've listened….." he cut her off.

"Liv, you are not to blame, for any of this. Do you hear me?" He lifted her chin with one finger so that she was looking him in the eyes. God, how she loved those blue eyes of his.

He pulled her to him and held her close. She cried for a few minutes, and wished she could stay in his arms forever. For the first time in days, she felt safe. She sat up and faced him. He could still see her bruises although they were fading. "El, I was so scared…"

Elliot put a finger to her lips. He leaned into her and gently placed his lips on hers. She didn't realize what he was doing at first, but didn't care. He waited for her to respond, but when she didn't he kissed her passionately. She was lost in the minute, but for only a minute. She couldn't believe he was kissing her; what was he doing?

"El, what are you doing?" Olivia got to her feet, still unsteady. He immediately stood up and helped steady her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." He turned her to face him. " Liv, I couldn't help you, I tried. Believe me, I tried."'

"I know. They hurt you. Harris…. He wanted to hurt me in every way possible." tears fell down her already soaked cheeks. "I'm sorry El."

"Olivia, please. None of this was your fault. You didn't do anything wrong." Elliot held her again. He never wanted to let her go. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry he raped you. I was so afraid he killed you. When I woke up and saw you lying there, my heart stopped."

Olivia backed away from Elliot. She folded her arms across her chest in a self protective movement. "You saw me….after?" she looked at the floor. "I tried to fight him, but I couldn't. Some cop I am huh Elliot." Olivia was feeling that familiar humiliating feeling wash over her.

"You are an amazing cop, Liv. If you doubt that, think about the fact that we are both standing here right now. It was all you could do to stay alive and you did. He was determined to get revenge and he did. You were blindsided in every way. Please, don't doubt yourself. I don't." Elliot watched her face for any sign that she heard him.

"Fin got to me in time at Sealview. Barely in time, but he didn't rape me there. I felt ashamed of what happened, I couldn't tell you. This time, he did. I help women everyday deal with this. I push them to testify, to get justice. How could I be so insensitive to those women." Olivia walked away from her partner.

He watched her. He always thought she was beautiful. But now he realized what he felt was more than just an appreciation for her beauty. His heart hurt when she cried. He loved her, differently than he loved his wife. He doubted anyone would understand that; especially not Kathy. "Liv, it's going to take time. But you are so strong. I know you don't feel that way now, but you are. You will get through this. I know you will, because I will help you." His eyes were filled with tears. Elliot was nothing but strong, and she saw how sad he was.

Olivia walked back over to him. "I thought once he raped me, that would be it. I was shocked when Alex told me he shot you anyway."

Elliot debated with himself as to how much to tell her. "Liv, when I came to, he was finishing….raping you. I didn't know if you were alive. When he realized you were waking he hit you with his gun." Elliot led her to the couch and helped her sit down next to him. Olivia recalled that pain of being hit with his gun.

Elliot carefully continued. He then aimed the gun at you, he wanted to kill you. I couldn't let that happen. I charged him and we fought. He shot me then, right before Fin busted in and shot him." he waited for it all to sink in. Olivia stared at nothing for what seemed like forever. "Liv, honey?"

"What happened to Dan?" the questioned surprised Elliot. He's in custody. Apparently, he turned on Harris and told Fin where we were." Olivia smiled realizing she had been right when she taunted Harris about that. "He's going down for it all, Liv."

"Elliot, I thought it was just me when things didn't feel right. You know, the whole seal view thing and all. Why didn't I trust my instincts. Instead, I gave him every opportunity."

"You wanted to believe it was real, there's nothing wrong with wanting to find love." Elliot felt for his partner.

"You are lucky to have found that with Kathy. I really envy her. She was there for you every day, when I couldn't even face you." Olivia turned away from Elliot. "I'm not capable of loving anyone."

Elliot spun her around to face him. He searched her eyes. She wanted to pull away, but didn't move. "That's not true at all." Without warning he kissed her passionately, not letting her pull away from him. He knew this was wrong, but nothing felt more right. He worried she wasn't ready for anyone to touch her like this, but he wasn't anyone and he knew she knew that. He pulled back to look her in the eyes. "I heard you last night."

For a brief moment there was fear in her eyes, then relief. "I can't love you like this. It's not fair to anyone." Olivia searched his eyes. "Elliot, I won't be staying with SVU. I can't do this anymore."

"You don't feel well Olivia. That's understandable for you to feel that way right now. You owe it to yourself to wait to make a decision like that." Elliot walked into her kitchen and dumped the remaining whiskey down the drain. She watched him remembering how many times she did that to her mother. "You need to eat. You look like you're wasting away."

Olivia stared at him wishing things were so different. He caught her staring. "Come on, I told Cragen we'd be back to work in two weeks tops." He started the shower for her and encouraged her to get moving. He lied down on her couch while she showered. He thought about how wrong he was for kissing her. She wasn't emotionally ready to deal with that. How selfish of him. He needed to feel her somehow, feel that she was alive. Harris was dead and that was a good thing. Dan Wheeler wasn't and that wasn't good enough for him. Olivia didn't deserve to be treated the way they treated her. He thought back to her lying on that cold, damp floor after he raped her. He only wiped the tears away when he heard the water shut off in the shower. He wondered if she would ever recover from that. It scared him to think she wouldn't. She just didn't deserve any of this.

"Let's go, Benson. Lunch is on me." Elliot called to her trying in vain to get things back to normal; as normal as possible.

Olivia returned to the living room looking better. Her eyes were still filled with pain, but he would work on that. She was his partner, he definitely would help her heal. He wanted to pull her to him and kiss her again. They were already confused enough. Post traumatic stress disorder. That's what Huang would chalk it all up to. So he was perfectly content on blaming his actions on that. He approached Olivia and turned her to face him. She pulled away at first, her eyes never leaving his. He slowly and carefully pulled her back to him. He put his mouth close to hers and waiting a few seconds. When she didn't pull back, he kissed her. He kissed her gently and warmly. He asked for permission with his tongue and she allowed it. For the first time in a long time, she felt alive. He held her face with his hands and lost himself in her kiss. No she definitely didn't deserve to be treated the way they treated her.

"Elliot, please." she started to pull away. "Kathy…" he cut her off.

"Doesn't make me feel this way." Elliot searched her eyes and wiped away the tears as they fell. "I love you, Olivia."

She let him hold her. If only it were that easy. If only his kiss could erase everything. "Thank God you are okay, El." Olivia whispered into his chest. He stroked her hair and held her close. She wasn't quitting, in any way. He wouldn't allow it.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 I do not own these characters, but I love them just the same.

Elliot walked Olivia up to her apartment. He wanted to stay with her, but he knew he needed to get home to his children. He was exhausted, realizing he may have over did it today. Olivia looked drained as well. He knew how emotionally spent she must be. He hoped she wouldn't hit the whiskey again tonight.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Elliot asked.

"El, you should take it easy. You just got out of the hospital for God's sake." Olivia unlocked her door and turned to face him. "Be with your family, they need you as much as you need them. I'll be fine."

Elliot sighed obviously choosing his words carefully. "I need to be with you too. I need to know you are okay."

"I'm fine El." Olivia opened the door and gave him that familiar smirk. "I'll be fine."

Elliot stared at her for a few moments before turning to leave. "Get some sleep, Benson. In a few days, we hit the gym. Remember, I told Cragen we'd be back in two weeks."

Olivia locked the door behind her and lied down on the couch. It was early yet, but she was so exhausted. Her mind thought back to the afternoon spent with Elliot. She felt guilty for kissing him. She had no right. Kathy didn't deserve this. She loved her husband, and Olivia knew how Elliot felt about his wife. What Liv didn't know was how Elliot felt about her; until today. Things were such a mess. She found herself very restless. She could barely move off the couch, yet she felt like taking off somewhere. Her headache had returned and she decided it was her body telling her to rest. She took two strong pain pills knowing how drowsy they made her. She was nervous about sleeping, but knew her body was screaming at her to. She changed and crawled into bed. She pulled the covers up to her chin, and tried to keep her mind focused on Elliot and the fact that he too made it out of there alive.

Elliot arrived at his house and made his way up to the door. His thoughts were of Olivia and how right kissing her felt. He should be ashamed of himself. Olivia wasn't ready for any of this, even though her kiss told him differently. She's scared, hurt and confused. Just a few short weeks ago, Kathy barely looked at him because of what she thought was going on with Olivia. Now she had reason to be angry and instead he could see how supportive she was trying to be. He opened the door and his kids greeted him. His wife welcomed him and it wasn't long before he was asleep in his own bed.

Olivia had slept for nearly four hours before she awoke to the sound of knocking on her door. She quickly reached for her gun. Her gun. Shit. She still didn't have her gun. She went into the living room cautiously approaching the door. "Who is it?" she called.

"Elliot." came the familiar voice.

Olivia opened the door confused. "What's wrong?"

Elliot entered sliding past her. "This whole situation is wrong. It was wrong for me to kiss you. It was wrong for me to want to kiss you, and it is wrong for me to be here right now."

"El, you're confusing me. You should be getting some rest, not running around the city." Olivia was feeling frustrated at the fact that she had no clue what to do about the mistakes she, they made. She pulled out a bottle of her favorite poison and held it up offering her partner some. He accepted and she poured him a glass and carried the bottle for herself. She took a long swig and flopped down on the couch.

Elliot watched her from the chair he was relaxing in. "You've been drinking a lot lately." he tested the waters with a specific statement. She drank some more and looked him directly in the eye.

"Shut up Elliot." It was surprising to even herself how quickly she got defensive over that.

"Just saying." he answered her retort. They sat in silence for what seemed like forever before Olivia started.

"El, what are you doing here?"

"I don't know, exactly." He drank from his own glass. Whiskey was great because of the burn it caused. A welcomed pain that shifted your focus. He knew that was why she drank it like it was water.

She got up to fill his glass from her bottle. She was too thin. She had on shorts and a tank top. There were bruises still visible on her arms and legs. The bruises on her face were fading but her eyes held that damaged, wounded, fearful appearance. "I'm sorry." Olivia began. "This afternoon never should've happened."

"You didn't do anything wrong, I did." Elliot stared into his glass. "I overstepped by boundaries, and I apologize." he looked so sad.

Olivia struggled with what to say to him. "We both crossed that line. I think the stress of the whole situation is a big factor. I don't know what to do with my feelings…about all of it."

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I want more than anything to love you." Elliot took a long drink of his whiskey.

Again, there was a long period of silence. Elliot wasn't sure what Liv was thinking, so he asked.

"I'm not somebody to want to love, Elliot." Olivia spoke slowly and carefully. "Especially now."

"Why do you say that?" Elliot hated that she felt that way about herself.

Olivia just slowly shook her head. "I don't think I could ever trust enough to love completely."

Elliot watched her polish off the bottle. "You deserve to be loved, Olivia. Completely."

"I think my mother may have felt the same way. I wish I were more understanding of what she faced every day….me." A single tear rolled down Olivia's face.

Elliot moved over to the couch next to Olivia. He pulled her into his arms and let her cry. She hated to cry in front of him, or anyone for that matter. But it was all she seemed to do lately. She listened to the sound of his heartbeat and wished she could stay there, in his arms, forever.

He held her in silence for quite a while before she sat up and looked him in the eyes. "El, do you think any of those women we help ever really put it all behind them.? Do you think I'll ever be able to make love again?" she realized how wrong it was to ask him that.

"Yes, I do. In time. You may need to talk to someone Liv. You have a lot to work through." Elliot held her eyes with his own. "You are such a strong person, I know you don't feel that way now, but you will move past this."

Olivia stood and welcomed the relaxed buzz she experienced daily now. She walked away from him and then turned around suddenly. "If I return to work, I don't see how we can be partners."

"Liv, it's too soon to make decisions like that. I don't understand why you feel we can't be partners anymore. I'm sorry for kissing you, I just…just messed up."

"El, I worked so hard over the years to prove to you and everyone else that I could handle myself and my job. I couldn't even handle a boyfriend. I don't deserve to be a detective, certainly not with someone like you." Olivia was rambling. Elliot didn't dare make a sound. Olivia was opening up and he knew it was coming full force.

She opened another bottle and took a long drink. It burned but she didn't flinch. "I hate that I don't trust men. I hate that I can't commit. I hate that I will never have a family like yours."

Elliot stood in front of her. He wanted so much to hold her, but he knew she needed to vent.

Her voice softened a bit and she looked into Elliot's deep blue eyes that were filling with tears. "He raped me Elliot. He made sure I felt humiliated and weak. He made sure you were there to make things that much worse for me. He hurt you to hurt me. He won, Elliot. He hurt me and I allowed it to happen because I let my guard down." Olivia threw the bottle against the wall and after the glass shattered, she stared at the liquid running down the wall. "I was so worried about you, even before I knew you were shot. I realized that you are the only one I trust. I tried to protect you, but instead I got you shot."

Olivia's eyes were filled with tears. Elliot's were as well. "Liv, please. I would do anything to help you. We are partners, you know the bond that comes with that."

"Yeah, I do. Elliot, I don't want to do this anymore. Please, go home to your wife, your family. Please."

"I can't leave you upset like this. I don't want to. " Elliot struggled with his next words. "I want to hold you, kiss you again. Liv, if I thought for one minute you were healthy enough, I would ask to make love to you right here, right now."

Olivia stared at her partner. She had no comeback for him. She was not healthy enough, nor was he. He wasn't even thinking straight. Elliot walked to the door and opened it. Olivia hadn't moved from where she stood when he told her what she had wanted to hear for a long time. He wouldn't cheat on Kathy, would he. No, of course not. He's hurting too. Seeing her hurt, then fighting for his life himself was sure to take a toll on his emotions as well.

"I'm sorry I couldn't prevent all this. I'm sorry you're hurting. I am not sorry for how I feel about you." With that he left her apartment. She sat down on the couch and wondered what to do with all they just shared. She had been envious of Kathy for so long, but felt proud to be considered by Elliot to be his equal; his partner. She wasn't strong enough to deal with any of this. Her head was spinning by now and she lied back down in the bed.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 These characters are not mine, but I love them just the same.

Elliot returned home and went to bed. He was feeling physically sick and knew he was over-doing it. He would be of no help to Olivia if he wasn't healthy himself. He really wasn't sure how to help Olivia, but he was determined to be there for her. He felt his wife slide into bed beside him. His feelings were confusing to him and his heart was heavy. He loved his wife, but they weren't truly happy together anymore. He had finally admitted to Olivia how he felt about her. She had so much on her plate right now, he wasn't sure if she could deal with his feelings for her. Maybe Olivia was right; they wouldn't be able to remain partners after all that had happened. He didn't want to continue working the SVU without her.

Olivia could feel him on her, in her. She was trying to scream, but couldn't breath. His eyes burned into hers and she begged him to stop. He laughed, she screamed. Her screams woke her up. She was sweating and her heart felt like it would beat out of her chest. Olivia held her head with both hands. Her head was pounding and she felt sick. She hurried to the bathroom and threw up. Her insides hurt and her head was spinning. She once again, spent the rest of the night flat on her back on the bathroom floor. Elliot was wrong. This was never going to get better. She was never going to get Harris out of her head. He was going to make her pay for the rest of her life.

Olivia got back into her bed. She wanted to sleep so bad, but couldn't seem to ever feel relaxed enough to sleep without flashbacks. She started dozing off when her phone rang. Dammit! "Benson." she answered without looking at the I.D.

"Hi there beautiful."

Olivia's eyes shot opened at the sound of Dan's voice. Her heart started racing and the fear crept into her voice. "Where are you." Olivia's voice was barely audible.

"I just wanted to hear your voice again. You look beautiful."

Olivia wanted to hang up, but was afraid to not knowing where he was. He was in jail, there's no way he made bail. "Dan, please, where are you."

Dan laughed before answering her. "I'm in the hell hole, where do you think? Probably for life." there was silence. Olivia tried to hear background noise but all was quiet.

"What do you want?" Olivia spoke carefully.

"I want you." Dan was enjoying tormenting her.

Olivia hung up and immediately called Cragen. She had to know if he was still in jail. He was indeed still locked up. He was granted access to an officer's phone to make the call.

Olivia was frustrated, angry, and scared. She was so exhausted and her emotions were destroying her. She went for the whiskey knowing it makes her sick, but it helps her settle down. A few hours later, Olivia was nearly passed out on her couch. She had put away more alcohol than she had since her rape. She staggered into her bedroom and searched her closet. Twice she lost her balance and found herself on the floor. Finally she found a box she had hidden behind everything. She pulled out her personal handgun that she kept hidden. She loaded it and brought it with her to the living room. Her phone rang again, this time she looked at the I.D.

"Alex, Dan called me. Tell me he's still in jail. He's not coming here is he. Alex, I can't do this anymore." Alex struggled to understand what Olivia was saying. She was slurring her words, and her voice was laced with fear.

"Liv, he's in jail. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Alex. I'm just so tired. I want to sleep so bad, but I can't."

"You need to get some help." Alex offered to come over. Olivia refused.

"I just want to sleep." Olivia hung up her phone and made it into the kitchen. She took a handful of her pain pills, chased them with her poison and positioned herself on her couch in a way that she would be ready. What if Dan had managed to make a key from her key and was out of jail. There was no way, she was going to let him get to her again. She lied her head back on the arm of the couch and rested her gun on her stomach. Her hand gripped it tightly, and she was determined to kill him should he come for her. Olivia's eyes grew heavy and she fought the sleep she so desperately needed and wanted. She was scared. Cragen and Alex were wrong. Somebody was lying to them. Maybe he escaped like Harris did. The room began to spin, so Olivia closed her eyes. Her phone rang and she heard it, but didn't feel like moving to answer it. What if it were him again. She needs to know where he is. She heard it ringing, but the sound was muffled. Her mother sat on the couch next to her. She didn't stroke her hair or rub her face. She just sat there and shook her head. "That gun won't solve this for you. Even you can't protect yourself from these men. They want it, they take it." Olivia wished her mom would help her, to just once not be mad at her for being born.

Her phone was ringing again-she could barely hear it. Her mother hollered at her to stop feeling so sorry for herself and to get up and face it. She was pathetic. She wanted to yell back at her mother, but was too tired to even do that. Her mother finished off her last bottle of whiskey and slammed the bottle on the table. Olivia couldn't believe she was angry with her right now. Her mother of all people should know how she was feeling right now. But instead she was angry with her. Olivia was used to her mother being angry with her. There was a knock at the door. "Olivia, get up. Somebody's here." Olivia heard her mother's warning and tried to raise her gun off her stomach. She couldn't move.

"Help me mom, please. He'll kill me, I know it." Olivia listened to the knocking on her door and could feel her heart beating faster and faster. "Mother, I'm scared." her voice was that of a child and she wanted to feel her mother's arm's around her.

"Get up Olivia!" her mother's stern voice felt like a knife cutting into her skin.

"Go to hell!" Olivia yelled at her mother. She couldn't move. She wanted to run to her mother, to make her love her. Her mother walked away until Olivia couldn't see her anymore. Olivia knelt on the floor of her bedroom and buried her head in her hands. She cried all the tears that a ten year old little girl could cry. Why did her mom hate her so much? Why was she always so angry?

"Kiss me bitch!" Lowell Harris was staring into her eyes. She tried to move but couldn't. She felt the pain in her face as he punched her when she refused. Olivia called for her mother. Then she screamed for Elliot. Why won't he wake up? Help me, El. Please don't. I'm sorry. Please. El, please help me.

Elliot entered Olivia's apartment with his key. Alex had called him on the way over to check on Liv. She was worried, Olivia was completely wasted and this was the worst Alex had heard her. Olivia was passed out on the couch. Her hand firmly grasping her gun, which was still resting on her stomach. Elliot immediately concerned when she didn't respond to his voice. Alex called 911.

"Liv, honey. It's me Elliot. Can you hear me?" Elliot pried her fingers off her gun and set it on the table beside them. He was confused as to why she had it out. He continued to try to wake Olivia, but there was no response. He checked for a pulse, and was relieved that she was at least alive. He held her in his arms while they waited for the paramedics to arrive.

Alex showed Elliot the pill bottle she found in the kitchen. They quickly put it together. Olivia had overdosed on prescription pain pills and alcohol. It didn't look good for her and Elliot knew it. He gave the paramedics the pill bottle when they arrived and moved out of the way so they could tend to his partner. She looked so frail, almost breakable. Elliot's eyes were filled with tears and Alex didn't hide hers. They both knew this might be the end for their friend.

Olivia was rushed out of the apartment and down to the ambulance. Elliot rode with her and they sped away with sirens blaring. They were headed back to the hospital. Olivia hated hospitals.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 These characters are not mine, but I love them just the same.

Alex beat the ambulance to the hospital. She tried to read Elliot's face when they arrived and Olivia was whisked away in the emergency room. Elliot sat down and buried his face in his hands. Alex draped her arm over his shoulders and together they sat in silence. It wasn't long before Captain Cragen and Fin showed up. Nobody spoke mainly because everybody was holding their breath. Elliot walked over to a corner of the waiting room where Cragen joined him.

"I don't know if I can go on without her, Cap." Elliot didn't care that the tears were falling down his face.

"You can and you will. Your children need you. Olivia needs help. Help that we can't give her. All we can do is love and support her." Cragen was trying to be as strong as possible for his detectives.

Elliot looked at Cragen, but his eyes were looking through him. " Sir, I don't think she wants help. I don't think she wants to face all this."

"She's wounded right now. Scared, confused. She is a strong woman, Elliot, you know that. She's not one to give up."

"Captain, she may have tried to end it. She took way too many pills, drank way too much, and had her personal piece out and loaded.

"El, she called me earlier today. She got a direct phone call from Dan this morning. He scared her and I'm sure that may be what put her over the edge."

Elliot looked stunned. "Why didn't she call me?" He asked more to himself. He wandered back over to Alex. "Did you know that Dan Wheeler called Olivia this morning."

"I didn't until I called. She was rambling and I couldn't understand all she said. I did hear her mention him and she was frightened."

"That's probably why she had her gun out." Elliot said matter of fact. "I don't think she meant to O.D., Alex. She's been drinking heavy and I think the pressure of it all cause her to take too many pills. She didn't take them all." Elliot didn't seem any happier about deciding this was not intentional.

Alex didn't bother wiping her tears away. "El, I never would've thought Olivia would end her life, but I didn't know what to think today. She's so hurt over all this."

"Who wouldn't be." Elliot snapped. He quickly apologized to Alex with his eyes and it was clear she understood.

The doctor came out soon thereafter. "Family of Olivia Benson." he called. They all stood and approached the doc. He was surprised at first, but realized how it was. "We pumped her stomach, she's resting now. We'll keep her overnight, but I believe she'll be okay." Elliot let a smile cross his face as he closed his eyes.

"Can we see her?" Alex asked.

"Sure. One at a time. She's not awake; probably won't be for awhile."

They all looked at Elliot and he declined. "I need to walk." Elliot left the hospital.

Alex looked concerned, but Cragen's look told her it was okay. It was all going to be okay. She entered Olivia's room and saw that she was indeed sleeping. She sat and stared at her friend. What hell she must be going through. After a few minutes, Olivia stirred . She opened her eyes and saw Alex sitting next to her bed. "Alex, what's going on?"

Alex stood up and moved closer to Olivia. "We found you unconscious in your apartment. We were so scared, Liv."

Olivia seemed to be thinking of what to say. "Elliot was with you?"

"I called him after I talked to you. He couldn't wake you either, so we called for help."

"What happened? Did Dan get in?" Olivia's eyes opened widely at the realization that she may be in the hospital because he got to her again.

"No, no, no. " Alex was quickly understanding where Olivia's head was. "Honey, he's in jail. He didn't escape, or bond out.

"He called me, Alex. It wasn't collect. I didn't hear the familiar jail background noise." Olivia was trying to understand how he called her.

"A CO let him call from his cell. He intentionally called to harass you." Alex filled in the missing pieces. "Liv, you took too many pills tonight. Combined with alcohol, you overdosed."

Olivia looked at Alex with surprise, then shame in her eyes. She didn't know what to say.

"Liv, it's okay. We're going to get you some help. You don't always have to be the strong one." Alex and Olivia's attention was diverted to the door as it opened. Elliot stood in the doorway and his gaze was fixed on Olivia. Alex said her goodbyes and touched Elliot's arm lightly as she passed him.

He walked over to her bedside without a word. She studied his face. He wasn't resting and it was showing. She felt guilty because she knew it was mostly because of her.

"El, I'm sorry. I…"

"Why didn't you call me when Dan called you? I would have come right over." Elliot's voice was short and Olivia hated it when he was upset with her.

"You have been through so much. I wanted you to rest and I know you would've come right over. I could handle it." Olivia tried to make him understand.

"No you can't!" Elliot hollered at Olivia making her jump. He was totally upset and headed for the door. He turned around and hurried back to Olivia. "I can't stand the thought of losing you. I love you. Do you understand me. I love you and I won't make it if you don't."

Tears were streaming down Elliot's face. Olivia stared at him with tears of her own spilling out. Neither of them said anything for what seemed like forever. Finally Olivia caved. "I can't handle anything anymore." She broke down and was beginning to become hysterical. Elliot held her until her crying subsided enough for him to talk to her.

"You need help. That's not weak of you to ask for help. Olivia, you've been through so much. You can't do this alone, and you don't need to." Elliot held her face between his hands as he forced her to look him in the eyes.

"El, I don't know what to do or how to feel. I am so lost right now." Olivia pulled Elliot's hands away from her face and held them with her own. She closed her eyes.

"You are my partner and I will help you. I will do whatever it takes to help you. I need you in my life, Olivia. Please let us help you."

Olivia never opened her eyes but she slowly shook her head. "Okay. Sign me up for the department shrink."

A small chuckle escaped Elliot as he leaned in to kiss Liv on the forehead.

Elliot had been back to work for nearly two weeks already. He forced himself to get back into shape and was feeling pretty good. Each morning he glanced at his partner's empty desk hoping she would return early. She wasn't due back for a few more days, but he couldn't help but worry that she would decide not to return at all. He hadn't had much contact with Olivia the last few days. She had been in intense therapy and asked him not to call her the last time they talked. He did what she asked, but was hating it. He looked at the picture of the whole gang that he took off Olivia's desk and placed on his own. It was taken a few years ago at a party for a promoted colleague. She had the most beautiful smile. It made him smile just looking at her.

His phone rang and he was quickly involved in a conversation and didn't see Olivia enter the squadroom. She put her purse in her desk drawer and made her way over to the coffee machine. She pulled herself a cup which was routine and returned to her desk. Elliot had recently hung up the phone and was intently watching his partner as she made herself comfortable at her desk.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" She flashed that ever so familiar morning smile at Elliot and it was all he could do not to grab her out of her chair and hug her.

"Business as usual. We caught a rape down at the college. Up for it?" Elliot never took his eyes off her.

"It's what we do, right." Olivia stood up and grabbed her jacket. She looked good. Her bruises had healed on the outside and she had control of those on the inside.

"Benson!" came the familiar boom of Captain Cragen. "My office!"

"Already?" Olivia smiled at Elliot and headed to her boss' office. Elliot sat back down to wait for her. He watched as she entered his office and stood in front of him. They exchanged a few words before Cragen came out from behind his desk. Elliot couldn't help but smile as he watch their captain take Olivia into his arms like a proud father would.

This is my first fanfic writing. I enjoyed reading the many stories and decided to try one myself. To those of you that reviews, thank you. I appreciated each comment and definitely took the advice that was offered as well. I had to learn some of the rules of the site as I went along. I hoped you enjoyed this story. I love SVU and hoped I was able to catch the special bond that exists between Benson and Stabler. Please take a few minutes and send a review to let me know how I did and maybe what I should've done. Until the next story….


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